The GUT Blog

10/2/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T12:04:00.001-07:00

October 2, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

12:11 decent day so far. started breakfast way too late cause I was waiting for chicken to thaw and got hooked doing something on the laptop. need to start lunch soon. so behind on homeschooling rhythm/schedule for the day. Need to figure out what our schedule is and stick to it for a while so we can get into our rhythm.

2:00 feeling good now that meals are going on schedule again. taking kids to park and I'm going to work on the school rhythm.

4:30 excellent day! great time with kids at the park. I was patient and calm and in control. Mood near blissful. Feel like myself today. Awesome!

btw, just for my records, I've cut back from 3 to 2 multivitamins per day.

9/29/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Looking at the food log for this day (and the days around it) I was still eating advanced foods like rutabaga and raw cherries. I think some of my up and down success this first time with SCD was due to using foods that were just too hard for me to digest still. Some of it, of course, was just the healing process.

September 29, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

dance injury still a problem. lower back still acting up as well.

2:30 good day. slowly picking up the house for tomorrow's showing. mood and patience excellent. feeling a little full and tired after lunch.

9/28/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:58:00.000-07:00

September 28, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

dance injury slowly healing.

2:25 another great day. on top of meals. during little things around house here and there. getting organized with homeschooling. mood and motivation excellent. dance injury pain still lingering throughout the day, but ever so slowly getting better. did yoga again this morning. makes 3 days in a row now. Hopefully that will help lower back and dance injury issues heal faster.

5:00 slump around 3-4 just feeling tired tired tired and NO motivation whatsoever. had to force myself to do the mealplan, now I've got to go cook dinner. ugghh. just feeling weak and a bit sick to my stomach. Feel like I haven't eaten, but I had a snack at 4. :-(

9/27/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:57:00.001-07:00

September 27, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

12:00 another good day so far. did some yoga, on top of meals, mood excellent. played with kids. thinking about laundry and going to the park again later. good day. dance injury still present but getting better.

6:20 good day. took kids to park. enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine. collected acorns. on top of meals. getting little things done around the house, but trying not to overdo it. feeling a little tired now before dinner.

9/26/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

September 26, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

dance injury stiffness and pain slowly going away. mood and patience good this morning. we'll see how motivation comes along.

1:00 excellent day. learning songs for kids stuff. on top of meals. mood and motivation excellent. feel great today!

6:45 great day. took the kids to the park. did a play with playsilks from the homeschool book. did a few loads of laundry and half assed cleaned the kitchen. not bad. feeling just okay now, but not as wonderful as earlier.

8:30 beans at dinner felt weird in stomach and I got really sleepy. mood still okay and patience still okay. motivation good. ready for bed though and stomach still feeling a little ichy.

9/25/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:55:00.001-07:00

September 25, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

10:45 right hip very sore this morning, not sure if that is from the dance injury or not still, seems to hurt worse this morning, which makes me think it might be a flare since it is the right and not the left that is worse. It is cold today and cloudy. felt tired and grumpy this morning, but feeling just a little better mood-wise after breakfast.

3:00 tired, but mood and mental motivation good today. feel like planning out the school year, but don't feel like cleaning the kitchen or doing laundry. having fun watching the kids play today.

9/22/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:54:00.001-07:00

September 22, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

dance injury very sore last night. feeling stiff all over this morning. it is cold and rainy today.

2:30 another decent day. not great, but not horrible. ups and downs with energy, some fatiguey behind the eye pain, but mood and patience good.

9/21/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:44:00.000-07:00

September 21, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

dance injury a bit less sore today. very tired because r woke up at 5 am and I never really fell back asleep and had to get up at 7 to watch aidan today. mood good though. it got very cold last night.

9/20/06 The Copper Overload Chain of Events

2008-04-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A live journal post I made trying to make sense of all the swirling information in my head at the time. This was my first awakening that all these issues were related and that there was a bigger underlying problem, not just as simple as having hypothyroidism, or fibromyalgia, or PCOS, etc. I was starting to see that all these diagnosis were just labels as doctors tried to make sense of all these overlapping symptoms.

While I no longer believe that copper overload alone is at the source of all these issues, I continue to believe that all these things are related. I now believe that the cause is abnormal gut flora and abnormal body chemistry passed through the generations. These conclusions are confirmed by the work of Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride and her book, Gut and Psychology Syndrome. With her medical knowledge she is able to paint an even clearer picture of how many mental issues are connected to the gut. She is soon to release another book, Gut and Physiology Syndrome where she will connect the gut to physical complaints like fibromyalgia and MS. I can't wait to read it. I think she is right on.

September 20, 2006 The Copper Overload Chain of Events

Over the past year I've been reading reading reading things on health and wellness. I've come across many little pieces of the puzzle that have helped me to better my health and begin the healing process. But what I also want to know is how all these little clues are connected.There seems to be a wider spectrum of connected issues, some I have and some that I don't have but that I see in others. I've been working on a hypothesis as to how this spectrum of things is connected, slowly adding ideas and thoughts to it as I go. I've decided to post it to my journal for posterity. It is still a work in progress, and who knows, my random notes may not make much sense to anyone but me, but feel free to offer any tips or insights you might have to add, or questions about what the hell I'm trying to make sense of here. I've titled my notes, The Copper Overload Chain of Events, but the list isn't exactly in chronological order, some things may be a direct result of earlier ones, others are more in a vicious cycle or co-contributors to an overall issue. anyway, this is just my attempt of making order out of all the pieces of the puzzle that I've gathered. Still needs a lot of work.....

The Copper Overload Chain of Events…….(or one example of how our western diet is destroying us)

High grain American diet and genetic predisposition create copper overload

Grains (especially wheat and gluten grains) inhibit zinc absorption
Dairy and calcium slows elimination of copper
Cholesterol scare causes many to limit meats, especially red, which are good sources of zinc
Many foods common to our diet are high in copper
pesticides sprayed on our foods contain copper
stress, coffee, alcohol, sugar, high carb diets, and use of corticosteroids deplete zinc stores rapidly

Women are more prone to copper overload because high estrogen usually means high copper levels. If estrogen is too high, the liver can't eliminate excess copper properly.

Women’s body’s aren’t designed to deal with so much estrogen; normally we’d be pregnant for 9 months and then nursing with delayed return of menses for up to 2 years, but now days we experience many more periods (due to less pregnancies, bottle feeding, early weaning, etc) and exposures to high estrogen levels; we also are exposed to xenoestrogens
Pregnancy needs deplete zinc levels even further
Birth control pills contribute to copper overload
Copper IUDs also contribute to copper overload

Copper overload passed onto each generation and furthered through diet

copper overload passed to child through placenta

Chronic fatigue

Caused by copper overload in the body

Adrenal fatigue

Caused by stress and diet (sugar and caffeine to deal with chronic fatigue burns out adrenals), which depletes available zinc, reinforces copper overload
Low zinc state further enforces adrenal failure

Endocrine system in chaos

Copper overload and stress makes body incapable of converting T4 into T3 properly, symptoms of hypothyroidism result, with normal lab values (endocrine system set in chaos including all the classic thyroid symptoms)
When copper is high, the body can't handle excess estrogen as well, resulting in fibroids, endometriosis, PCOS, infertility, and woman stuff run amok.

Mental problems

Anxiety, panic attacks, racing mind, bipolar symptoms, depression etc all have biological links to copper overload

Hypoglycemia and then Diabetes

High sugar/carb diet (cravings caused by need for more energy because of chronic fatigue) result in system that can’t balance blood sugar levels. After too long, hypoglycemia can turn into diabetes
Liver is overloaded trying to rid body of toxins and can’t respond fast enough to body’s request to increase blood sugar levels using glycogen

Decrease in digestive enzyme activity

Caused by lowered body temp due to incomplete function of thyroid hormones
Large food particles remain undigested in gut, others leak through into the body (leaky gut syndrome)

Food sensitivities/allergies

Caused by large food particles entering system
Body learns immune reactions to foods eaten in excess, most common are gluten grains, citrus, dairy, eggs, and soy although in food eaten in large amounts is suspect

Celiac

More progessed form of sensitivity to undigested gluten

Caused by lowered enzyme activity (due to body temp) specific to gluten and/or genetic lack of said enzyme?

Autoimmune disease

Molecular mimicry between undigested food particles and body’s own tissues causes body to create antibodies against itself

Suspected links:

Gluten and thyroid autoimmune disease
Dairy and rheumatoid arthritis
Others?

Fibromyalgia

Caused by food sensitivities, toxicity in the body, what else?
Is fibromyalgia just the culmination of all these issues created by the copper overload chain of events?

Caused by undigested food particles that disrupt normal ecosystem of the gut
Use of antibiotics and corticosteroids also disrupt normal ecosystem of the gut and contribute to IBS

Chronic candida

Caused by loss of good bacteria in the gut that normally would keep candida in check
Normal copper amounts in the body would naturally help to inhibit candida but in those with longstanding copper overload, the copper is bio-unavailable due to body’s maladaptive attempts at dealing with the excess copper
Use of birth control pills also contribute to yeast overgrowth
Use of corticosteroids also contribute to yeast overgrowth

9/20/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

September 20, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

hip joints still painful and tight from dance injury. still affecting walking and moving throughout day, but feels like it is slowly getting better.

1:20 good day. it is cold outside today and cloudy. feeling slightly unmotivated, but not too bad. on top of meals and whatnot. mood good. need to clean kitchen and get some laundry finished.

9:45 got kitchen cleaned but didn't do any laundry. went down and visited parents. got some head work done on my "order of events" hypothesis that I've been working on. decent day overall. energy ups and downs, with overall tiredness, but not so tired I couldn't function.

9/19/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Several days missing before this as we were away from home camping. My fragile healing joints were dealt a big blow by me trying to dance several nights and my pains flared horribly. I also had veered from SCD again and was consuming some grains again. Rice, corn tortillas, etc.

September 19, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

Both hip joints aching heavily, gets better somewhat after movement but still unable to walk without limp due to injury from dancing.

1:45 decent day. motivated to get stuff done and am doing so, but feeling just a bit sleepy. mood and patience excellent.

5:30 still sleepy but in a good mood and getting stuff done. pacing myself though. trying not to do too much all at once.

7:00 I would call this a pretty good day. sleepy but everything else in line.

9/14/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:22:00.001-07:00

September 14, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. tired as hell though.

9/13/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:21:00.001-07:00

September 13, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate foot pain upon waking, min hip pain. motivation lacking. I just don't feel like cooking breakfast. I have SO much to do today, I just don't want to start the day.

10:45 feel a little better after eating breakfast. disciplining r depleted me a bit though. Still feeling daunted by all I have to do today, but motivation to start is better.

2:00 kinda sluggish today. just feel like surfing the net all day. but I have so much to get done that I'm putting off.

9/12/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

September 12, 2006

min joint pain upon waking. mood okay. feel like I'm back on the upswing of things today.

8:00 typical day. mood and energy were okay with occasional fatigue dips and rebounds. feel like things are moving back in the right direction again. foot pain has contained to flare off and on though.

9/11/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

min to mod foot pain upon waking. feeling sluggish, but okay.

12:20 another sleepy, unmotived, lazy, crappy day. i think this makes 4 in a row.

2:00 feeling just a tad better, which isn't saying much. I think I did too much last week with all my newfound energy. I think I burnt back out. I need to remember schwarzbein's advice to take things slow for at least a year, even once energy starts returning. I just did too much, way too much, way too fast. small steps sparky....

2:40 foot pain has remained flared throughout the day, maybe because I've been very inactive today.

3:30 feeling even a tad bit better, but still not great. I was supposed to try rice again tonight, but I think I'm going to postpone that trial.

9/10/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:15:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: I have to laugh at myself here that I didn't consider the fact that it could have been the illegal SCD rice that I had tried 3 days ago.

September 10, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate foot pain upon waking. very tired. wish I didn't have to get up so early. so much to do today.

10:30 pm another totally tired day. just totally crappy. what the hell is going on? things were going so well and now I've had like 3 totally crappy days in a row. :-(

9/9/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

September 9, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

very tired day. spent in WC going to market, birthday parties, etc. very sleepy. not too irritable, just sleepy again. ugghhh.

9/8/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: This day is no doubt a result of the SCD illegal rice that I had tried the previous night.

September 8, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate foot pain upon waking.

11:30 slow day. not feeling much motivation and too much draw towards aimlessly surfing the internet. mood and patience are good though. need to go clean the kitchen and start cooking lunch. belly is hungry....

1:30 tired day. motivation lacking, but have been able to force myself to get things done. mood is decent, patience okay. not falling asleep tired, just kinda run down and feeling lazy. hopefully things will pick up as the day goes on cause I got a lot to do in prep for the open house coming up.

3:30 just had afternoon snack. feeling energy coming back a little, but still kinda unmotivated. Need that kick in the butt to just get going.

6:30 geez, what a sucky tired day. mood is still decent, not depressed, just decent. but I am oh so worn out today. lazy, unmotivated. ugggh

8:00 feeling a little more energetic after dinner. Mood improved somewhat as well.

9/7/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Here I am again learning that I really have to stick to strict SCD still.

September 7, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. mood good.

8:00 worked all day today at Ta's. worked hard. tried rice for dinner. thought it was fine, but 1 hr -1 1/2 hr afterwards got hit by the worst fatigue ever. Was literally falling asleep in the car---and I was driving! Scary! Not sure if the sleepiness was because my body was trying to digest the rice or not. I'll try it again next week and see if the same thing happens. wow, I'm just so damn sleepy that I can barely type.....

9/6/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:08:00.001-07:00

September 6, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

mod joint pain upon waking. thinking I may have eaten too much butter in the last couple days (among other things).

9/5/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

September 5, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. mood decent. motivation somewhat lacking.

12:00 decent day. forcing myself to get stuff done. patience with kids good and controlled.

4:30 wow. an incredibly sleepy day. ended up falling asleep on the couch for over an hour. now I'm grumpy and still feel tired. ugggghhh.

9/4/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

September 4, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint flares throughout the night last night, but things were good once I woke up. Feeling a bit tired today, but mood is good.

pretty bad day. fatigue was intense several times throughout the day. maybe stuff I ate at ren faire?

9/3/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

September 3, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. tired. got up at 6:30 because r wanted to wake up. going to ren faire today. You aren't allowed to bring in outside food, so I'm smuggling in a few carbs and going to chance it on eating meat purchased there. Who knows what concoctions they marinate and slather their meat in. Should be interesting....

good day at ren faire. felt a little fatigued at times, but mostly it was a wonderful day. hot tub later on that night flared my fatigue big time, but things quickly improved once I was out and cooled off again. I didn't feel like myself totally, but good enough to enjoy myself and have a good time. felt a little self conscious though, which is the old anxiety ridden me. :-(

9/2/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

September 2, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. motivation excellent. started breakfast and beans for lunch immediately. feeling tired, like I need tea this morning. would have slept longer but need to get to the market early and also have to get up early tomorrow, so wanted to prep the body for that.

2:45 awesome day! another one! this rocks. have only felt just a twinge of coming down just before meals. mood, motivation, energy, etc have all been absolutely excellent.

8:00 flared a little with fatigue and joint pain after being in grandma's very moldy basement. improved after about an hour or so though of being back home. another fantastic day overall. Dare I say that the real me is back for good?

9/1/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

September 1, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

min joint pain upon waking. mood good. motivation okay.

11:00 good day so far, although meals running late today. just now getting breakfast finished. lunch will probably be around 2 then, snack at 4, dinner at 6, then snack at 8, yeah that sounds good.

2:45 another great day. getting stuff done. starting to come down a little before lunch, but after eating things leveled back out. feeling a little afternoon sleepy, but mood, patience, motivation all good still. gonna get some more work done and then take a break before cooking dinner.

4:20 onions did a number on my belly. either they weren't cooked enough, or I just ate too many at one time. rocks in your guts just don't feel nice. :-(

12:00 finished out the day feeling pretty good. mood was excellent, content, happy.

8/31/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

August 31, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

min joint pain upon waking. tired from getting woke up last night and having to get T at work this morning. :-(

Almond flour in the pancakes initially felt like rocks in the belly but I think that is clearing fairly quickly. Might have been the honey now that I think about it. :-(

3:00 how quickly one meal can make one feel like crap. Stomach felt yucky like I'd eaten a bowl full of sugar for breakfast. Took several hours to go away. Feeling a little better now that I've eaten lunch.

Turned into a wonderful evening. Good mood and feeling like myself came back.

8/30/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:58:00.000-07:00

August 30, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking, probably due to lack of sleep and the stress that went along with that.

10:00 made pork sausage for breakfast from plain pork. wow, it was yummy! Had to wait around for the pork to thaw, so breakfast was a little later than I'd have liked, but not too late. Didn't get crashy or anything waiting. I think today will be decent. mood and motivation are good. need to get stuff cooking for lunch.

12:00 another great day! I'm getting tons done. did a snack at noon and then I'll have lunch ready by 2:00, then an early dinner, and another snack before dinner. Gonna try and get to bed early again tonight.

3:00 got a pretty sig flare from the date rolls. joint pain, fatigue, and a really heavy feeling stomach. feels like I tried to eat rocks. ugggh.

5:30 feeling a little better after dinner. energy kind of peetered out there for a while. ended up taking a nap on the couch with r. motivation was starting to lack. feel like things are gonna rebound now. hopefully. I got a whole kitchen of dishes to wash....

7:00 rebounded a little, but having to really push myself to stay motivated to do stuff. did get all the dishes done. now I need to work on getting a few more loads of laundry put away. patience has remained good today though.

8/29/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

August 29, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. went to bed at a decent time again last night and r slept through the night until about 7 this morning. It is now 7:45 and we are awake for the day. I feel just a bit sleepy, but ready for the day. motivation, mood, etc all seem good. crossing my fingers for another awesome day!

12:00 good day. getting a lot of work done in the laundry room. on top of food prep and kitchen. started to get a little crabby with kids, but ate a snack and leveled out. starting to feel a little tired now, but lunch is soon. :-)

3:00 still sort of tired, but mood and patience rebounded with lunch. think I might need a little nap to fully rebound for the afternoon. need to get the meal plan done.

5:00 finished meal plan. very sleepy.

6:43 managed to cook dinner tired as hell. still feeling tired after eating, but not quite so tired. mood and motivation still good. patience pretty good still too.

8/28/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

August 28, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

slept late, tired, min joint pain upon waking. mood, motivation, patience, etc all good though. started breakfast right away.

12:20 gloriously wonderful day. after breakfast I put in some laundry, got stuff put away upstairs, working on going through all the goodwill, winter, etc stuff. good good day so far.

3:10 absolutely wonderful day! and it is raining, LOL. I've gotten a lot of laundry work done. been on top of the meals, basically looking for what I can do next. just really motivated and happy today. patience and control with kids has been absolutely excellent. I'm feeling a little tired now, but snack time is here. :-)

5:00 Well the snack did not curb the onset of sleepiness. My mood is still excellent and I'm still motivated and getting stuff done with the laundry and around the house. Just feel sleepy. I suspect this could easily turn fatigue bitchy, we'll see what happens. Gonna rest for a while, maybe even nap a little before dinner. Also, the humidity has returned, maybe that correlates with my onset of sleepiness? hmmmm. I do always seem to feel better on less muggy days, even if it is raining.

9:00 ended up taking a little 15 minute shut eye. then cooked dinner and rebounded and worked through the tiredness. things much better after dinner. got a butt load more work done in the laundry room. I'm rocking and rolling today!

8/27/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:53:00.001-07:00

August 27, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. good morning. cleaned and cooked breakfast right away. mood and motivation good. just a little twinge of sleepy.

1:00 good day so far. collected laundry and got loads going. cooking lunch now. mood, motivation, and patience all good. kinda of sleepy, but not fatiguey bitch crashy.

8:00 surprise open house. yikes the adrenaline was pumping. crashed a little afterwards, complete with flare of joint pains. recovered okay though. mood excellent and patience and control very good.

8/25/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

August 25, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking. didn't go to sleep until after 2, so slept until 11. ugggh. never a good start to a day when I sleep this late....

2:30 actually a good day although meals running late today. cooking lunch now. went out after breakfast (which was at 12) to go thrifting for new jeans. That was fun. Actually ended up with a few size 14s and a size 12! Holy cow. I have size 12 jeans again! They are my favorite brand, lerner new york, original fit, and they freaking fit me! I'm amazed at how much weight I've lost. I picked up a few shirts to try on and most were too big. I've got to revert back to my old body image, LOL! Shopping because you are losing weight is definitely more fun than shopping because you keep gaining. I'm having a blast!

8/24/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:50:00.000-07:00

August 24, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

No joint pain upon waking. Feeling tired again today. Motivation decent though, cooked breakfast first thing. Testing eggs today. Crossing my fingers that I can add those back into my diet in moderation. forgot to take fish oil yesterday, so took it today. period cramps have remained much better than last month. Hope this trend continues. Not being able to stand on the first couple of days of one's period is completely ridiculous.

2:00 Just finished lunch. still sleepy today. got a lot of work done though. picked up the house. cleaned kitchen to include taking out the trash and sweeping. prepped all the food stuff etc. mood and motivation good, but just feel sleepy. egg test went okay. did get a slight flair of joint pain (and possibly an increase in fatigue, but that is hard to tell for sure since I was already sleepy). I think eggs in extreme moderation will be okay.

4:46 wow, feeling like myself today. mood and motivation excellent. still a little sleepy, but okay. very good day so far. no extreme crabbiness or out of controlness.

10:10 things quickly got tired again after that wow feeling. not a bad day, but just sleepy again. I'm tired of being tired. ugghhh

8/23/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:49:00.001-07:00

August 23, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking. something I ate yesterday gave me a little bit of a flare last night-joint wise.

1:45 motivation lacking today. really tired again. no joint pain or extreme crabbiness though. I can force myself to do stuff. damn I wish those poor adrenal glands would finish healing themselves.

8:00 energy improved after eating lentils for second afternoon snack. got the closets moved and still going on organizing and the like.

8/22/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:47:00.000-07:00

August 22, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

still itchy today. not sure about green. started period and the heavy cramps when standing are back, but not as bad as last time. Feeling good except for the cramps.

1:50 cramps are much milder than last time. almost bearable. really tired today, but that may be from lack of sleep last night. went to bed sometime after 12 and got up at 6, and was woken up several times in between. :-( motivation lacking today, but that too could be lack of sleep. mood is decent and I'm not too crabby.

9:20 very sleepy, but good day overall. little twinges of joint pain, but nothing really major. no crabbiness or irritability. just really freaking sleepy.

8/21/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:45:00.000-07:00

August 21, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

a quick twinge of joint pain upon waking. very green poop. and still very itchy.

3:00 very behind on meals today. got busy doing w's school paperwork and didn't start lunch on time. never a good day when that happens. so far I'm feeling just a bit dizzy and fatigued, even though I just finally ate lunch. Must force myself to stick to my regular meal times.

5:20 turned into a decent day, but did get a little grouchy with the kids while I was doing dishes. things leveled out a bit after that and now I'm feeling more normal. got the house picked up, did some organizing. now I need to move closets....

8:20 wow I'm sleepy. not too crabby now, just really sleepy. I could fall alseep right here. not doing closets tonight. we'll tackle those tomorrow.

11:20 hip and foot flared. wonder what caused that? hmm, I did have a lot of butter with dinner. maybe I should stick to smaller amounts.

8/20/06 food log notes

2008-04-15T10:44:00.001-07:00

August 20, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. very itchy though. and hungry. green poop returned. very green.

August 19, 2006 photo journal

2008-04-13T17:49:00.001-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: It is interesting to look back at this. Here I have listed that I was 100% SCD for 2.5 months. But of course, rereading my food journal it is obvious that I cheated and veered off several times! I guess in my mind I had just overlooked those instances, LOL! I wonder what my progress would have been like if I had really been 100% SCD that whole time.

August 19, 2006
Losing
Weight: 161
Jean size: 12-14

Schwarzbein 5.5 months
100% SCD 2.5 months
dairy free 1.5 months

Holy cow, I fit in my corset again! nuff said. :-)

But seriously, I've had some really rough days recently as far as fatigue and crabbiness are concerned. I feel like I'm moving in the right direction, but there's just some stuff my body has to work out and I have to go through before I can really be healthy again. It is tough. The bad days are hard. But somehow I know there is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel.

8/19/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:47:00.000-07:00

August 19, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate hip pain during the night and in the morning

Good day at larp. little sleepy from time to time, ate extra meals to keep my energy up, but overall it was a great day. no fatigue crashes, no crabby ass, no withdrawn mood.

8/18/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

August 18, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

very mod hip pain upon waking, but went away after walking a few minutes. very crabby morn again. i hate being a crab ass.

day was a mixed bag. was very sleepy at times, but had some really great feeling moments out at larp setup. all in all, I'd call it a good day.

8/17/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

August 17, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

mod foot pain upon waking. bad headache, left temple.

2:00 grumpy before breakfast but after eating all was good. basically a good day, although at times still a little crabby.

2:15 wow I'm tired. not fatiguey, or behind the eyes pain, just can't-keep-my-eyes-open sleepy. yawn,,,,

4:20 worked through the tired and picked back up. Got some laundry done, cleaned out/organized the kids closet, and got willow's bed cleaned off and decorated. whew. more to do before the house starts getting showings..... but for now I'm sitting on my keester for a few....

8/16/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:42:00.001-07:00

August 16, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

mod joint pain upon waking. very tired from not sleeping long enough.

oh my gosh irritable and grumpy this morning before breakfast. was working on food prep stuff for the day and the kids were driving me bonkers. i had no patience whatsoever. this improved after eating breakfast, although I'm still drag ass tired. I've got to get some real sleep tonight.

9:00pm another busy day. pictures with the realtor. turned into a decent day though. lotsa gas from the sweet potato the other day and of course I ended up eating sweet potato again tonight. ugggh, probably not the smartest decision, but we all went out to dinner. feeling really full in the tummy and sleepy now.

8/15/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Oh, how painful it is to read through these as I post them! Here I am again eating too advanced foods too soon. Beans, store bought lara bars with nuts, geez. No wonder my stomach was in such upset!

August 15, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

mod-min joint pain upon awaking. green poop continues. sore from cleaning like crazy yesterday. tired because I didn't sleep well last night. got a new topper for the bed, oh so comfy, but slept away from r (who was in his own bed) and for some reason he woke up 3 times last night.

10:00 wow, excellent mood and motivation today. maybe getting up early is better on the hormones? perhaps also eating breakfast by 7-9 is better on the body than sleeping late and not eating until 10:30 or so. Gonna try and make a better effort and getting to bed before 11pm and getting up around 7-8. Think that will help the healing process along. Schwarzbein was right about that. It is grocery day again and I'm faced with the daunting process of deciding what the hell to eat this week along with trying to keep the bill somewhere near what we can afford.

1:00 really grouchy with kids today, yet overall my mood is decent. energy and motivation good, although a little tired from lack of sleep last night.

3:00 patience with kids has rebounded and I'm feeling more calm and controlled. mood and motivation still good.

3:20 got a pretty sig flare from trying a few bites of jennifer's beet stuff. beets are fine for me, so I wonder how they were prepared. need to remember to ask her.

5:00 AH HA! the beets were cooked in white vinegar. this totally confirms my past experiences with vinegar. which sucks cause vinegar is yummy and is needed to cook a lot of yummy things.

11:00 stomach ended up with a weird pain, really high on the right side up by ribs. bothers me the most when I sit down. think it started after dinner. could have been the beets or possibly the navy beans for dinner, or unrelated. we'll see. mood and motivation continued good, although a little sluggish through the afternoon. decent trip to the grocery store but kids did wear on me a bit, they were sleepy and grumpy, never a good time when that is the case.

11:16 starting to feel sick to my stomach. something I ate was not well received that is for sure. could have been the lara bar I had after the grocery store, trying to remember if I felt this before the store or not. uggghhh

8/14/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:36:00.001-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Yep, here I am again "cheating" on SCD. I sure did make a bunch of mistakes my first go round.

August 14, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

totally busy day, getting house ready to show realtor. worked nonstop, lotsa stress and adrenaline. somehow my body kept up. I ate out for the first time today. a meal that I didn't cook. wow. had a steak at a local restaurant and a sweet potato with butter. they didn't give me any problems when I asked to make sure the steak and sweet potato were completely plain (no marinades, dustings, etc). It was awesome. And after a day of shotgun cleaning, it was such a relief to consume one meal that I didn't have to cook and clean. awesome. felt pretty good throughout the day. tired at times, but mood was good.

8/13/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:30:00.000-07:00

August 13, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

no hip pain upon waking, but mild foot pain. feeling tired and unmotivated. food is boring me to death. i so want recipes and excitement, but on the rotation and with all my current eliminated foods, it is tough.

11pm very busy day. getting house ready to sell/show. very tired day. mood occasionally good, especially after meals but very hypoglycemic and crabby shortly after. stress maybe?

8/12/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:28:00.002-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: I still can't help but wonder what my progress would have been like this first time around if I had known about the pecanbread suggested stages and followed that. At this point, it is obvious to me now that I was eating things that were far too advanced for my stage of healing. Raw peaches and I can remember eating all kinds of raw fruit. Today, after redoing the intro stage in June 2007, I still can't tolerate any fruits beside banana, lemon and occasionally a little avocado. I can't even tolerate cooked fruits right now. How much faster would my healing have happened if I had tested all these foods properly one at a time to see what I could really tolerate.

August 12, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

mod-min joint pain upon waking. walked too much at relay last night, but feeling okay. The walking really fatigued me though.

11:00 tested onions yesterday and they seemed to be okay. think the fatigue was related to exhausting energy sources walking. retesting burgers today. we'll see how that goes. it was iffy the first time. there's so much going on right now it is hard to pinpoint causes of symptom relapses.

2:00 lunch was yummy. tested butter since we ran out of flax. We'll see. still not sure about the burgers. I'm so ready to be done with all this food testing, elimination, rotation etc. I just want to get to a maintenance stage and be content.

3:50 so tired again today. ugghh. fell asleep on the couch just a while ago when I had planned to go work in the basement. just dozed right off. uggghhhh. not sure if it was the beef test, the butter test, or whatever has been wiping me out for the past couple days, stress? who knows....uggghhhh

5:45 Did manage to get some work done in the basement. now it is time to cook dinner. I'm so tired, I could fall asleep on my feet, although it isn't that painful behind the eyes fatigue, just really drowsy, sleepiness. And my joints are bothering me, could have been the beef, the butter, or neither, we'll see.

7:20 dinner done. time to get back to work. man I'm sleepy though. tried butter again with dinner, if symptoms intensify could be that, if not could be the beef earlier was the culprint. or maybe neither, the jury is still out....

10:00 still tired. joint pains flared slightly again, could have been the damn butter, ugghh. also had a few bites of a moldy peach which couldn't have been good for me.

8/11/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:28:00.001-07:00

August 11, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

still feel tired. mod-min joint pain upon waking. really grouchy and irritable. hopefully breakfast will help, I've got a lot to do today....

4:20 spent all day in the kitchen cleaning and cooking. feeling a little better today. heavy fatigue is gone, just a twinge left. mood is improving, although still a little quick to irritation.

8/10/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: How silly of me to be using an "illegal" tea. I just can't stress enough-- the SCD is based on science; the foods and drinks that are listed as illegal are that way for a reason. Literally everything you put into your mouth must be checked to make sure that it is legal on this diet. That ensures that you aren't derailing your progress.

August 10, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking. seem to be having more "stiff" joints yesterday than I have been. green poop continues, more die off?

12:00 tired day again. fatigue sucks. could be a relapse from the stress of fighting off the cold or possibly due to recent stress and emotions from the accident Thom was in.

3:00 very tired and downright fatigue crashy today. Just have no energy whatsoever. Hope I get past this hurdle soon... Maybe it is the new caffeine free herbal tea I've been using?

5:00 crap. just discovered that herbal teas using bark etc are load with polysaccharides and are SCD illegal. crap crap crap. Could this be why the heavy fatigue has come back the past two days? uggghhhh

8:00 very tired, dizzy, headachey, fatigue crappy day. squash feels heavy in the belly, as usual, but I've gotta have carbs and can't give another one up. Doesn't seem to trigger joint pain or fatigue, that I've correlated anyway.

8/9/06 Cost of healthy eating

2008-04-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A live journal post of mine where I'm complaining about the cost of eating healthy. Nothing has really changed since that time; with all of us fully on this diet now, we still spend more on food than anything else in our budget. We are pushing $375 a week now! But we have expanded our home garden every year and that helps during the growing season. Our house never did sell, so we are renting it out. We just couldn't afford the mortgage on our modest 4 bedroom cape cod anymore and continue this diet at the same time. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom, 110 year old brick cottage now. It has charm and character though and a slightly better yard for a garden, so everything works out in the end. :-)

August 9, 2006 Cost of healthy eating

Last night I spent $350 at the grocery store. That was for ONE WEEK of groceries. Granted I'm feeding 5 people, but it really depressed me. Why is eating healthy so damn expensive? Do people realize that they are filling their bellies with cheap crap? How can poor folk eat healthy? I've been around the $300 a week mark for the past several weeks now as I add more and more produce to our diet (and I don't even buy organic produce anymore). It is helping my health issues, so I guess I should look at it like medical bills.

Well, I was curious how crazy the amount of money I spend on food is, so I did a poll on the eatingnaturally community. Turns out the average amount per person per week is $50-75. That is for a produce dominated diet with meat/seafood for protein. So for my family of 5, that equates to $250-375 a week. Guess my grocery bills aren't that outlandish afterall. Well, back to the budget drawing board I go. Hope the house sells fast so that we can afford to continue eating this way. I'm hoping I can at least keep it at $250-300. Gonna need a bigger garden..... I'm glad I don't have more kids, how the hell would someone with 4 or 5 kids eat like this?

8/9/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

August 9, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

mod-min joint pain upon waking. slight green continues, not sure if it another die off or what.

2:30 decent day. sort of irritable. getting stuff done though like cleaning up the house, washing dishes, etc.

6:20 Very tired day. motivation peetered out. so tired. maybe I didn't get enough carbs today. sources have been kinda sparse today. test of beef was inconclusive. got a little fatigue crashy, but I was already tired and feeling more stiffness in joints, so who knows. we'll see what test 2 does.

10:00 so tired today. almost fatigue crashy, not sure what caused it. maybe fighting off the cold. I've kept it from taking hold, but I've been so sleepy.

8/8/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:09:00.000-07:00

August 8, 2006 Fitday.com food log notes

no joint pain upon waking. oh so tired though, but that could be the cold. nose is congested and eyes have pressure, but sore throat has gone away.

9:30 Turning into a decent day, although I'm very tired. Irritation in nose is a minor annoyance, so far this cold hasn't taken too strong of a hold yet. I'm feeling motivated and in a good mood today. We'll see what the day holds....

3:00 turned into a very tired and irritable day. motivation fair.

6:00 things feeling a little better now. still tired but not so crabby. feel kind of dizzy, but not too crashy, hungry for dinner....

11:00 day got better towards evening. While grocery store shopping I was in an excellent mood, until checkout that is. Eating this way for 5 people is just so damn expensive, and I don't even buy organic most of the time. :-(

8/7/06 food log notes

2008-04-13T17:08:00.000-07:00

August 7, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking. decent day so far. cold is being kept mostly at bay, minor irritation in nasal passages, throat still sore. Hoping I'll fight it off before it really takes hold. patience is fair but waning, mood is okay but improving.

6:00 very tired weak day! cold moving into head.

7:40 so very tired, fatigue is hard, but mood is still okay, gonna have to motivate to clean the house tonight. headache is setting in...

8/6/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T16:26:00.001-07:00

August 6, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

No joint pain upon waking. Very tired after a very late night, and I'm coming down with a cold. Had some green d this morning and stomach cramps, weird. Wonder what that was all about?

2:00 Good day, kinda went off on R for pestering his sister, but quickly recovered my mood and patience. joint pain minimal to non-existent. Peas felt a little heavy in belly after lunch, but that seems to be passing quickly. Considering the cold and the lack of sleep, and the mealtimes being off today due to getting up late and getting breakfast started late, it has been a decent day. Got the kitchen cleaned up and swept and picked up the living room some. Gonna try and take it easy for rest of day and continue fighting off this cold.

10:30 very tired. mood okay. motivation sorta lacking, it has been a long day. time for bed...

August 6, 2006 photo journal

2008-04-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

August 6, 2006
Losing
Weight: 164
Jean size: 14

Schwarzbein 5 months
100% lactose, starch, grain, and refined sugar free (SCD) 2 months
dairy free 1 month

This is the very pair of size 14 jeans that I bought over a year ago when I first started gaining weight. I can't believe that they fit again. Just a few weeks ago these were still too tight.

These were never the most flattering pair of jeans, but fitting into them again is a real victory in my mind. I'm getting closer to where I was before autoimmunity started winning the battle. Now I'm winning the battle.

The past month has been a roller coaster as I've been working on elimination diets and determining my food sensitivities. I'm doing a rotation diet now, meaning I rotate the foods I eat over a 4 day period. I've had some of the best days ever. I've had days of absolutely no joint pain. Most days now I only notice the joint pain minimally, although sometimes when I first wake up I'm a bit stiff and the joints are painful. I've had some days of absolute fantastic moods. My energy seems to be building and I feel like my body is starting to work again. I am completely free of caffeine now and don't miss it at all. I've had more and more days where I feel like myself again. I am finding myself, rediscovering what I'm like without the symptoms of autoimmunity.

8/5/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T16:22:00.000-07:00

August 5, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate to minimal joint pain upon waking. Mood and energy good. No need for caffeine. I think I'm coming down with a cold though. Throat hurts when I swallow. Gonna get some zinc lozenges.

2:00 Decent day. Tired but not sure if that is from the oncoming cold or not. So far I've managed to keep the cold symptoms to a dull ache in the throat, hopefully my body will fight it off before it really takes hold of me. Couldn't find any zinc lozenges without crap in the ingredients, so I need to find another source of zinc to help the cold.

Turned into an excellent day. Had energy at the party until about 11pm, after that I felt I was tired but handled staying up until 2pm, I even drove home. I know I can't do that all the time, but every once in a while is nice. I am coming down with the cold though, hope my lack of sleep didn't spur that on. :-(

August 5, 2006 photo journal

2008-04-12T16:17:00.000-07:00

August 5, 2006
Losing
Weight: 164
Jean size: 14

Schwarzbein 5 months
100% lactose, starch, grain, and refined sugar free (SCD) 2 months (except for a slight veering off for a few days to try sweet potato and some other starchier veggies. boy was that a mistake, LOL)
dairy free 1 month

While I never wear much make-up, I have to point out specifically in this picture that I am NOT wearing foundation--just my usual "dressed up" mascara and lipstick. It is amazing to me how much healthier my complexion has become over the past few months. The red blotchiness and adult acne is clearing. I've always had problem skin and just thought it was part of me, but even this is improving with my nutrition.

All dressed up for a party and actually full of energy and ready to hang out with my friends, after spending a wonderful afternoon alone with hubby. :-)

update to add: and no, I don't drink alcohol anymore, gave that up too in favor of optimum health. I don't want to undo all my healing with the damaging effects of alcohol, not to mention that beer contains gluten and wine contains sugar. I drank water all night, even did a shot of water. :-) Everyone was very understanding and supportive of my decision. I love my friends!

8/4/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

August 4, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking. mood good. no need for my morning tea. I think I'm finally completely free of needing it. I can feel more and more my body doing things on its own, balancing things, etc. for example, sometimes I'll start feeling tired or crappy, but before eating my body starts to correct this and I realize that the fatigue is gone, things have balanced out. My body is compensating for things and working things out faster and faster. Hopefully this may mean my symptoms of hypoglycemia will become a thing of the past.

12:00 Felt a little sick to my stomach during breakfast eating the coconut. I suspect I can't eat too much of that at one sitting due to the high fat content. Good healhty fats, but too much of any fat can make you sick to your stomach. I had the same problem with avocado. One was fine, but two at one sitting was just too much fat. Mood continues to be excellent today. Joint pains have subsided to a faint minimal. Motivation to clean the kitchen, shower, get the day going all excellent. I think after another day of this good stuff, I can begin reintroducing foods and see how it goes. Let the testing begin. :-)

3:00 good day continues although I'm really feeling sleepy now after lunch. not irritable though, just sleepy. gonna take a nap.

8:00 Got really sleepy before dinner, but then started to feel a little better even before eating. After dinner felt much better, although had just a twinge of fatigue pain behind the eyes.

9:30 Fatigue did not set in. :-) Turned into a nice evening. Not blissful, but calm and controlled and content.

8/3/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T16:14:00.001-07:00

August 3, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

minimal to moderate joint pain upon waking. after the stress of yesterday, not sure how food related symptoms will be today.

5:30 Good day, but tired and semi stressful.

Turned into one of my best days in a while. Felt like myself. Mood was absolutely excellent. No fatigue. Still have some minor gi issues that I have never really had before. Not sure what that is about. maybe still die off?

8/2/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T16:10:00.000-07:00

August 2, 2006 fitday.com food log notes

moderate to minimal joint pain upon waking. very tired after going to be after 2 and getting up at 6. :-(

Went back to bed until 9:30 yeah! Felt a little better, although still tired. Fixed breakfast and felt pretty good. Mood, motivation, patience, energy all good. Power went out and just came back on around 12;30. So I'm way behind on lunch today, although not crashing too hard, just a little dizzy. Rutabaga should be done soon, it is almost 1:20. Man I'm hungry....

2:20 initially felt good after lunch, but feeling a bit irritable now but it is controllable. I think I'm tired from my crappy sleep last night. Lunch seemed to sit okay, a little fullness in the belly, but not too bad. Got the kitchen cleaned up some, took out the trash, picked up the living room a bit. Need to work in the basement later after A leaves. Belly still seems bloated. Wish it would flatten back down.

Doing my nutrition reports, I'm consistently low in a few vitamins, considering using a supplement for those until my food choices are a little wider (and therefore more nutritious).

3:00 Just finished going through 4-6 boxes in the basement. Yeah me! Feeling really sleepy now, but not too irritable, at a controllable level.

4:00 symptoms may be off for a while due to stress. T was in an accident at work today. He is okay, but someone got hurt and he is really upset.

8/1/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Yep, already realizing that veering from SCD was a mistake! :-)

August 1, 2006 Fitday.com food log notes

slightly higher than moderate joint pain upon waking.
weight jumped up another pound today. :-(

6:00 Wow busy day. worked on rotation plan for food all morning, then grocery store, then cleaning the kitchen. been going going all day long. pretty good day until about 4pm when washing dishes just got zapped suddenly by fatigue. might not have had enough carbs for the afternoon snack. spent way too much money on groceries. eating a produce dominated diet is expensive.

7:00 energy surprisingly started to come back BEFORE eating dinner, meaning my body must have been actually working to correct levels. amazing. I feel pretty good.

7:44 after dinner, stomach feels a bit full, but not too bad. still a little bloated from the boniato the other day, hopefully going back on strict SCD foods will take care of that. hip joint has been flared since about 4:00 today, before afternoon snack, but I'm not sure what caused it. Will have to look back at the journal and see what is up, because it has been a rather significant annoyance today.

8:00 looking back over the food journal, could have been the unproperly prepared (and therefore Non-SCD) lima beans yesterday that might have flared the joints further. not sure. Something I ate this week caused me to gain weight overall for the week, and I'm thinking it may be temporarily going off the SCD. I noticed that my gut seemed to be sticking out further than it has as well, which I thought might be period related, but now that the period is over, the extra bloat is still there. probably the non SCD foods that I ate causing inflammation, bloating, water retention, etc. :-( Hopefully going back to SCD will set things straight. and hopefully the new carb choices that I've picked out will be well tolerated by my stupid body. I'm running out of food choices and we all know that I can't go back to beef and carrots, no matter how well I felt eating them initially, it just got overdone and now that doesn't work anymore either. geez, I'm rambling, time to end this.....

July 17, 2006 photo journal

2008-04-12T15:57:00.001-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Whoops, sorry this one is slightly out of order with the fitday food log notes. I didn't catch at first that I made two photo journal entries for July..... I should also point out that I never did take any thyroid meds and I never went back to see a doctor after this appt. I've been doing just fine on my own since then. :-) We ended up moving away from the two docs that I had been seeing, and I just never bothered to find new ones up here near the new house. I should go back someday though and get my antibodies retested, I bet they are normal now.

July 17, 2006
Losing
Weight: 167
Jean size 14-16

Schwarzbein for 4 months.
100% Gluten free and grain free for 1 month (SCD)
Dairy free for 2 weeks.

Showing the belly here to show how much weight I've lost, and how much I have left to go. :-)

First appt. with an endocrinologist was dissapointing. She said my thyroid levels didn't justify thyroid hormone treatment just yet, even though my antibodies were in the thousands. We talked about the diet connection some, but she didn't really believe there was a connection. Doctors just aren't taught about silent gluten sensitivity and unless they do their own research on it, they just don't know about all the studies and theories concerning this. She conceded that celiac and thyroid occur frequently together, but she doesn't believe that gluten causes thyroid antibodies. When I brought up molecular mimicry, she diffused the situation by asking what I did for a living. She did reluctantly agree to retest my antibodies to see if they are coming down, but it may be too early to see a noticeable difference. I've only been gluten free for 2 months, and the studies I read said it could take 3-6 months for the reduction of antibodies to occur. Basically my doctor's plan of treatment is to continue to test my thyroid levels every 6 months and when they go above 3, she will start me on meds. So basically we just sit on our butts until the antibodies burn out my thyroid and then start treatment.

Well, with any luck, my diet changes will reduce and/or eliminate my thyroid antibodies and I won't ever need thyroid meds. The thought of waiting around to burn out just isn't proactive enough for me. Regardless of what mainstream medicine thinks, I do believe that gluten causes thyroid antibodies through molecular mimicry. I've read the studies. I've read the science behind the theories. I've encountered the connection mentioned in numerous health books, in nutrition books, in anthropological works, in personal stories scattered across the internet, etc. I've seen what gluten does to me. I've seen what eliminating it from my diet does to me. I plan on putting together this journal, my food journal, and every study that I can find, (hell, maybe I'll even write a formal research paper on the damn subject) to convince my doctor to look into the subject more. She is one of the top thyroid docs in the area and if she caught on to this dietary connection, she could really make a difference in a lot of autoimmune thyroid sufferers' lives.

7/31/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:41:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: At this point I had drifted off of SCD and had included some starches like sweet potatoes. I could just hit myself for not sticking with it. But at the time, I thought the rotation diet/rare foods diet, while staying mostly SCD, was a better way to go. Of course, now I realize that the rare foods would only work while they were rare, once I had eaten them for a while new food sensitivities would have developed. Silly me. Well, I learned in the end and ended up back on SCD 100%. Live and learn.

July 31, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

mild joint pain upon waking. motivation to cook sort of lacking. feeling a bit tired.

12:00 Turning into a decent day. Still feeling more like myself. joint pain working into minimal. Got a little tired before lunch, may not have had enough carbs at breakfast. Need to make sure I get 30 at meals, even 25 seems to leave me depleted, gotta go the full 30 grams. Stomach felt just a little heavy after breakfast, may need to buy dried lima beans and soak them overnight to ease digestion. Wondering if the 2 pound weight jump (second time this has happened) was in response to the non SCD sweet potatoes/boniatos I ate yesterday.

7/30/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

July 30, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

joint pain moderate upon waking.

10:00 Feel great today. Mood and energy excellent, even though I feel a tad bit sleepy. I feel like myself today. Calm and centered and balanced.

Decent day today. Felt really good until some time after lunch. Could have been the boniato. Cramps came back later in the day, could also have been the boniato, or the pear. Will see what happens next time. Joint pain seems to have flared just slightly as well. Mood still good though, not too fatigue crashy, kept at bay mostly by meals/snacks. Good day overall.

7/29/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:39:00.000-07:00

July 29, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Headache started to come back around 11pm last night, but then went away mostly. Hip pain slightly abated this morning. Things moving okay. Motivation and mood seem decent. Laptop crashed, so not sure how often I'll update the food log today. :-(

2:00 Went to the market after breakfast. Just got back. I am so tired. Not irritable too bad, but just falling asleep tired. I'm exhausted. Hip pain minimal to moderate, still not as good as it was, or as bad as it once was.

10:00 Really tired afternoon. Ended up falling asleep on the couch again. Almost fatigue crashy before dinner. Perked up some after dinner, but quickly went back down. Felt somewhat better after evening snack, enough to drive home thankfully, and now I'm feeling tired again. Good thing it is bed time. :-) I feel like maybe the damage done by my consumption of dairy and eggs at the birthday party is starting to wear off. I hope anyway....

7/28/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

July 28, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Joint pain moderate upon waking. Headache gone. Still sleepy and feeling unmotivated to cook breakfast.

9:00 headache threatening to come back. Joints working themselves out and returning to minimal, although a bit flared still. Cramps from period are horrible today. At this point I'm wondering what I did to get complete relief from my joint pains and period cramps and what I did to make them all return. Mood is decent today, motivation is slowly building. Thinking of cleaning the kitchen and the living room today and getting the laundry done. I'm really tired of worrying about what I'm eating and keeping track of it all, yet I really want to get back in the "remission" feeling. I feel like something I'm doing has brought my symptoms back. But I can't get enough varied carbs on the SCD intro foods alone and it was depleting me nutritionally to stay on it for so long. ::sigh:: I'm just not sure of what I should do. Right now I'm still trying the rare foods diet and focusing on getting my nutritional content where it should be. But I'm worried about the return of my symptoms and that I could sink back down into full blown symptoms.

7/27/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

July 27, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

moderate joint pain upon waking. headache.

4:00 oKAY day today. Started our really crabby, but things got somewhat better as day went along. Tired and sleepy, but not too much hints of fatigue. Mood decent, and at times even good. Today was day one of the "rare food" elimination diet to attempt to rule out any latent food sensitivities and make it easier for me to retest and identify what foods are in fact problematic currently. This method seems much better than the SCD, there are so many more foods I can eat while on the elimination part that I won't be overdoing the same foods. (like the damn carrot fiasco). EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: I should point out that the "rare foods" that I was using were still SCD legal. I hadn't abandoned the diet just yet but was just looking for foods that I could eat that wouldn't give me a reaction. I was struggling to find anything off the intro diet that didn't give me flares.

10:00 Today okay, hip pain back to minimal although flared at times. REally bad headache today so it is hard to try and keep track of food related symptoms. Hopefully headache will go away tomorrow and things will be back on track.....

7/26/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

July 26, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Moderate hip pain upon waking. :-(

8:00 So tired and just plain weak today. Hip pain remains moderate and is almost affecting walk again. I'm beginning to suspect that all the problem foods I knowingly ate on Sunday are affecting me.

12:30 Tiredness continued until lunch. Heavy muscle fatigue. Doing dishes it felt like every dish weighed over 10 lbs. It was exhausting. Now that I've eaten lunch, I feel somewhat better.

2:45 Continued feeling a bit tired, mood fairly depressed. Joint pain turning into somewhere in between minimal and moderate.

5:00 Totally horrible day. It is like the old depressed, paranoid, defensive, crazy me is back. Things were going so well. I don't know if I just overdid problem foods on Sunday or if something else is going on. Tomorrow, I'm starting a new elimination diet where I eat only foods I've never eaten before or have never eaten often, to help pinpoint which foods cause reactions once I start adding them to the diet. crossing fingers.....

7/25/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: I should point out that I jumped too fast into new foods, many that were advanced, when I first did the SCD. I did the intro but then was unsure how to proceed and just picked whatever legal foods to try and tried them too close together. I didn't really know about the recommended stages to progress through, what foods were considered advanced, etc and there wasn't much concrete guidance in the book as to how to proceed.

July 25, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Wow, the leeks last night gave me some horribly bloating gas. We are talking serious digestive issues here. Guess those are out for now. :-( And they were so yummy. Oh well, back to the drawing board.....

8:00 Today is going well. joint pain minimal, although foot was slightly flared this morning upon waking. Patience and motivation excellent. I'm a little sleepy having gotten up so early, but don't feel too fatigued. Weather is gorgeous again today. I hope today is going to be a good day....

1:00 Today is going okay. I'm extremely tired and partially crabby. Managed to wash all the dishes and get the chicken soup/stock started. Trying to get some books read that might lead me to more answers.....

10:00 Very tired day. Just no energy. Read a lot today. Overwhelmed by my food choices. SCD doesn't seem to be working totally. There are still foods that are causing me sensitivities that I haven't identified yet. I've got to figure out how to heal my gut and these sensitivities. I can't decide at this point what my next step is. I've got a few options, just not sure what the right one is..... I've got to eat SOMETHING.

7/24/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:22:00.000-07:00

July 24, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Minimal hip pain upon waking, although foot pain was pretty strong. Had cake and cookies yesterday (made with almond flour, eggs, and SCD yogurt) and did okay with it.

Woke up at 8:30 this morning. Mood and motivation good.

12:41 Joint pains minimal. Mood good but slightly irritable. Motivation good.

3:00 Joint pain still minimal. Motivation good, but I'm just totally insanely grouchy and irritable again today. Not sure what is going on here. Hormone levels attempting to balance or something? This sucks. I'm going to bite off someone's head for sure.... maybe was new foods yesterday?

7/23/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

July 23, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Minimal hip pain upon waking. Today is R's birthday so probably won't be updating much.

So far today feels like a great day. We'll see....

12:40 Really grouchy and irritable today. Pain in joints minimal.

1:15 Why am I so grumpy today? I'm just pissed off at nothing.

7/22/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:20:00.001-07:00

July 22, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Hip pain upon waking. R woke up early, so I'm feeling a little tired and just slightly unmotivated. Mood is decent. Got a lot to do today...

11:00 Today going fairly well. Sort of sleepy and my arms feel REALLY weak today. But mood and motivation are pretty good at the moment.

7/21/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:18:00.000-07:00

July 21, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Feeling good again today, though has some slight flares yesterday because of all the new foods I tried while baking for R's birthday party. Cooked tomatoes seemed to be well received though, so yeah another carb source that isn't carrots!

Moderate joint pain upon waking.

3:00 Awesome day! More feelings of pure bliss where I just couldn't help but smile. The kind of content happiness that makes you want to hum or dance. Wow. Feeling a tad tired now that snack time is here, but not crashing and mood is still wonderfully content.

Joint pain went away at some point today. Joints articulating almost 100% normal.

4:00 Was feeling so sleepy, but mood still good. Managed to wash dishes through the sleepiness. Took a little nibble of honey and a sip of chicken broth. That seemed to help, things are balancing out again. I'm still a little tired, but very motivated and in great mood. I've gotten a lot done today!

7/19/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

July 19, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Moderate joint pain upon waking. Trying new foods only to find they flare the joints really sucks.

12:50 Today has been awesome. I was really tired this morning, so took a nap. Since then I've had lunch, a shower, and I'm ready to go. Mood, energy, motivation, patience all fantastic.

3:30 Fantastic day. I'll update more when I get a chance...

8:30 Wow what a great day. Actually got hungry for snacktime instead of feeling sleepy or cranky first. Had a great time at Jungle jim's watching the baby ducks swim. Was able to be "in the moment" and truly enjoy life. It felt blissful. These positive feelings/days are occurring with more and more frequency. Guess I'm doing something right. Joint pain absolutely back to minimal to none. Amazing.

9:00 Oh no, 2 hours after trying peas for the time and now my joints flared up again just slightly and fatigue hinting at the back of my eyes. :-( I'm so sick of fucking carrots..... I'll try the peas again in a couple days and see if the same thing happens.

7/18/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:14:00.000-07:00

July 18, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Minimal hip pain upon waking. Mood and motivation seem good. We'll see what the day holds....

Tried a banana with breakfast and it gave me that same super sweet sick feeling. Maybe it is just too much sugar too fast? I seemed okay when I only ate 1/4 of a bananna last night as part of my snack. Well, hopefully it won't end up making me tired and cranky all day....

9:00 Banana seemed to be received fairly well. No ill symptoms yet.

10:30 Morning snack was yummy! Eggs are the new food today and we made banana pancakes. Very good. Energy, mood, and motivation fairly good today still. Hip pain faintly present.

11:00 Crap. Severe foot join pain and moderate hip joint pain now. I so wanted to be able to eat eggs! Guess I'll eliminate them again until Sunday, when we will be having all kinds of egg-based desserts for Rhowan's birthday party.

7/17/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:11:00.001-07:00

July 17, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Kids are awake at 7:30 after picking up Thom from work. Looks like we are staying up. I'm tired, but at least this morning I should be. We didn't go to bed until after midnight.

Goat cheese last night seems to be received well.

Hip pain normal. Tried some raw sauerkraut with enzymes along with breakfast this morning.

2:03 decent day. Tired from lack of sleep, but no fatigue crashing. Patience good. Motivation fairly good. Hip pain very minimal today.

Energy very good after snack. Banana is okay I guess. Got loads of work done.

7:00 Dinner was delicious! The butternut squash tasted just like a sweet potato. I felt very full after eating, but not sluggish or tired. Rather energized. Mood excellent! Motivation and patience still great. It has been a great day overall.

7/16/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

July 16, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Morning joint pain. Mood and motivation seem good. Woke up at 9:30.

Mood, patience, and motivation still good after breakfast. Joint pain still present.

Very sleepy after eating breakfast. Bananna was very sweet and felt icky in my stomach. Going back to avocadoes and carrots for carbs for the rest of the day.

Before lunch pretty much near the point of fatigue crashing and very irritable with kids.

Fatigue crash feeling better after eating lunch. Mood and patience getting better, still feel tired, but not as crashing as before. Motivation a little lacking, but might be able to force myself to get some stuff done.

It is 2:00 and I am so tired. I keep trying to start getting stuff done and having to sit down cause I'm just so tired. This sucks.

7/15/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:06:00.000-07:00

July 15, 2006 FitDay.com food log journal notes

Morning joint pain back as normal. :-( Maybe I ate too many new things yesterday? Shrimp? vinegar? applesauce?

After lunch, somewhat tired but mood and motivation decent. Hip pain very annoyingly still present.

Mood improving as day went on. Dropped the kids off and went thrifting for jeans and then to Kroger for produce. Motivation and energy fairly good. Hip still hurting though.

Started to crash just a little before dinner. Okay after dinner but felt a little sleepy still. Food kind of heavy in stomach. Green beens were new today. Mood still decent. Motivation still decent.

Hip pain started to subside somewhat after about 11pm. Still there but less strong. Mood really good after evening snack, almost elated. Lots of energy and feeling a bit randy. Then got hit with the sleepies again though. Mood still good but tired.

7/14/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

July 14, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Woke up again today with no pain in the joints. It is a truly weird feeling. I'm so used to moving a certain way to avoid the pain, and I'm still habitually moving that way, yet the pain is missing from the equation. It is truly wonderful. My daughter hopped on my hip this morning, and I only got a little twinge of pain, instead of the normal excruciating tenderness.

Pain in hips was back again after car ride to and from doctor's office. Could have been the applesauce? (EDIT as I compile these for new blog: it was commercial store-bought supposedly 100% applesauce. Now I know that labels don't always tell the whole story, even with organic companies and the like.)

Very tired and heachachy after doctor's appt. Maybe I've not had enough carbs today? Avocadoes aren't ripe yet so no good carb sources around.

Fatigue crashed pretty hard before dinner. Felt somewhat better after eating, but still kinda sleepy and mild headache. Irritable mood went away mostly after eating. Joint pain was back again after dinner. Vinegar?

7/13/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

July 13, 2006 FitDay.com food log notes

Woke up this morning with no pain at all in hips. Right one still felt a little different, but no pain. It was incredible. No pain yet as I go into the day. I'm very tired though, just sleepy, no painful behind the eyes fatigue crash feeling.

very tired and sleepy day but good mood, patience, and motivation.

7/12/06 food log notes

2008-04-12T07:54:00.000-07:00

July 12, 2006 Fitday.com food log notes

Week 2 or 3 of this crazy elimination diet. No dairy, no grains etc. I'm keeping it as simple as I can.

Rainy day. Kids are bored. I'm unmotivated but in a fairly decent mood. Little joint pain. No fatigue crash yet as of 1:30.

Started to crash a little before snacks were ready. Felt better after eating energy wise. But pineapple seemed to sit in my gut like a rock. :-(

Way more energy and better mood after dinner. Chicken and avocado seemed to digest fairly well, no brick in the gut feeling. Cleaned up kitchen spic and span, even top of fridge and behind stuff on counters. Starting to feel a little fatigued again now, but it is snack time....

Mood and energy restored after snack. Very happy and mostly patient and calm.

July 2006 photo journal

2008-04-12T07:51:00.001-07:00

July 2006
Losing
Weight: 170.
Jean size: 16.

Schwarzbein for 4 months.
100% Gluten free and grain free for 1 month (SCD)
Dairy free for 1 week.

I'm currently experimenting with whether I'm sensitive to lactose or not. Right now any dairy gives me a flare up of symptoms, but I'm hopeful that given some healing time, I'll be able to consume low lactose dairy, such as cheese and 24 hour fermented yogurt.

My depression is for the most part gone, energy levels are attempting to level out. Joints feel the best they have in long time. Most of my limp when walking is gone, although sometimes the joints still kinda "stick" and I have to work them out. I can induce a flare-up of fatigue, depression, and joint pain by consuming gluten, dairy, or any grain (like corn etc).

originally posted July 10, 2006

6/19/06 Layers

2008-04-12T07:36:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Another Live Journal post as my research and discovery into my illness continued. It is interesting that I originally believed that gluten was the initial trigger. That because I was unable to digest it, that caused the cascade of events. I now believe that lack of proper gut flora and overgrowth of pathogenic flora was at the root. Without the proper gut flora, proper digestion could not take place. Gluten is one of the hardest foods to digest, so it makes sense that that would be my first problem food. As my digestion weakened, I could no longer properly digest other complex foods like casein, other grains, starches, etc. It was sort of a snowball effect.

June 19, 2006 Layers

My search for answers to my health issues is like peeling an onion. I just keep finding more and more layers of information to reveal.

Not sure if I ever posted about a possible connection to gluten (found in wheat and certain other grains) allergy or not. I read an article about how eliminating gluten could actually reduce or eliminate the body's production of thyroid antibodies. It didn't make much sense to me at the time, but I did try it anyway. It has helped some. But I wanted to know how the hell gluten had anything to do with my body's decision to declare war on my thyroid.

Up to this point I knew that my body was full of unnecessary inflammation, that people with autoimmune thyroid disease almost always have adrenal fatigue (which I already knew I had), and that for some reason my body was making antibodies that were destroying me. But why?

I decided to research the gluten connection more fully and surprisingly, it explains a lot. The layers are really all connected. Here are the highlights of things I've discovered in my research......

First clue: People of Irish (and British Isle) and to a lesser extent, German, ancestry are prone to gluten allergies and sensitivity. I am heavily Irish and German. I came across an informal survey on Celiac.com that seems to support this fact. They polled people's ancestry, and almost all the respondents claimed at least some type of British Isle or German background. Although interestingly enough, the only three that weren't Irish/German were all Latin American.

Second clue: An article written by Diana Schwarzbein (the doctor that wrote the metabolism healing program that I'm on).
The latest medical research has targeted inflammation as the basis of ALL symptoms, conditions and diseases. Inflammation is a chemical process that occurs in the body when the cells of the immune system attack proteins they do not recognize as their own. The ideal situation occurs when the immune system only attacks and kills foreign proteins in the form of viruses, parasites and bacteria (“bugs”).
Unfortunately, if inflammation occurs too frequently or is triggered falsely by undigested foods, the natural anti-inflammatory system of the body, the adrenal glands, cannot keep up and the end result is destruction of the body’s own cells. This is manifested as a variety of symptoms such as allergies, headaches, heartburn and fatigue to conditions such as mood disorders, “irritable bowel” syndrome, unexplained weight issues and auto-immune syndromes (such as thyroid conditions, eczema and arthritis) to full-blown diseases such as heart attacks, Alzheimer’s, cancers and diabetes.
I now recognize aging as an “auto-immune process”. Your own body over time destroys itself through inflammation!
It has been estimated that 70 to 80% of the cells of the immune system are located in the digestive tract. This means that 70 to 80% of all the inflammation problems that occur within the body starts in the digestive tract! If you are already experiencing any health symptoms, conditions or have a degenerative disease of aging, you have a problem with your digestive tract.

Third clue: an excerpt from the book "Dangerous Grains"
Certain grains can cause the immune system to pathologically react to specific proteins. These disease causing proteins are found within the seeds or grains of wheat, rye, barley, spelt, kamut, triticale, and oats. The proteins are loosely called gluten. Gluten is made up of several subfactions or families of proteins. The scientific name for the most studied of these proteins is “gliadin.” Gliadin is found in all gluten grains except oats. Curiously and tragically, gliadin frequently causes the immune system to react as if it is not a component of nourishing food, but an invading bug or microbe, and in the case of autoimmune disease, as though it is indistinguishable from normal organ tissues found in our bodies.

So this makes total sense. If I have a sensitivity to gluten (which causes it to remain undigested in my gut), it is causing all this inflammation which stressed my poor adrenal glands and has caused my body to start destroying its self. My leaky gut wall has allowed these undigested particles to slip through into my body leading to the autoimmune process. The body confuses these particles with my own tissues and in trying to clean up all these undigested food particles, it is also destroying parts of my own tissue, my thyroid! The connection of activity and inflammation in the gut to the immune process was key to my understanding of how gluten could be connected to autoimmunity. This makes so much sense now! I feel like I've finally gotten to the "source" of things. I've been looking at all the pieces up to this point and struggling with how to connect it all, knowing intuitively that somehow all my issues were connected. Now I know.

Yet, it may go beyond just gluten now.

Clue four: The Specific Carbohydrate Diet (for Celiacs not cured by a gluten free diet). All this inflammation in the gut, while continuing to eat gluten, can eventually cause the gut real damage and before you know it, the gut is having problems digesting other grains and carbohydrates as well. Basically the function of the gut is weakened and only things that are easy to digest are getting properly digested. This only leads to more and more inflammation throughout the body. For some people, simply cutting out gluten alone won't completely heal them, because the damage to the gut over the years has caused them to be unable to digest many grains and carbs. Basic premise of the healing plan is that you only eat foods that are easily digested (and this can still be used in combination with the Schwarzbein plan) which allows the gut to heal, and then more complex grains and carbs, can be slowly reintroduced once healing has occurred and the body is able to digest these foods once again. Gluten will most likely never be able to be eaten again or the cycle would start again.

So what am I doing?

step one: going gluten free and doing the Schwarzbein plan for healing metabolism (common sense plan for healthy balanced meals), ("The Schwarzein Principle II: The Transition").
step two: if this alone doesn't resolve all symptoms, trying the specific carbohydrate diet ("Breaking the Vicious Cycle") which will restore balance in the gut and heal past damage and stop the inflammation (and the production of thyroid antibodies).

Wonder what the next layer will reveal? Or maybe I'm finally at the core?

June 2006 photo journal

2008-04-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

June 2006 (No picture)
Losing
Weight: around 175.
Jean size: 16

Schwarzbein for 3 months.
Gluten free 2 weeks.

I had been heavily researching autoimmunity, as I awaited my first appt. with an endocrinologist scheduled for July (long waiting list). I discovered the link between autoimmunity and gluten sensitivity. I decided to give it a go again. I was beginning to notice the pattern of gluten consumption and increase in symptoms.

I continued my research and discovered that inability of the gut to properly digest food is at the root of autoimmunity. The damaged gut makes one prone to pick up food sensitivities quite easily. For this reason, I decided to adopt the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD), which is based on simple foods, no complex sugars and starches, in order to heal the past damage to the digestive tract. This also allowed me to begin to piece together which foods I'm currently sensitive to.

Die off from the SCD (massive die off of all the bad bugs in my digestive tract that then released toxins into my body) was hard to go through. Every joint in my body ached horribly. I was extremely fatigued. It felt worse than the worst flu ever. But I got through it. Now life is looking promising....

Originally posted July 10, 2006

5/12/06 Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

2008-04-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A live journal post where I'm dealing with the ups and downs of the healing process. Throughout the process I've dealt with the back and forth pull between feeling like the real me was breaking through and then feeling lost in a fog, not myself again. It reminds me of the story Flowers for Algernon, where the mentally challenged main character, Charlie, got to experience being normal (well even beyond normal intelligence), but then discovered he was going to decline back into his previous mentally challenged state. I have felt a little like that at times. Knowing that when the bad days come, I'll be lost. And the bad days were felt so much greater by me once the healing process started because I knew just how abnormal they were. I knew what I was missing. But at least it was/is only a temporary loss. And now that I'm nearly completely healed, the lost days are so few and far between. I am me almost 99.9% of the time now.

May 12, 2006 Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

That is how I feel. Wonder if bipolar folks feel like this? It is like I'm two people, sometimes three. Recently I've tasted what it is like to feel HAPPY to have energy to have patience. Some days I have so much energy that I'm anxious and nervous with no reason and don't know what to do with myself. And then suddenly, I'm swung the other direction, back into gloom, apathy, lethargy, achy, irritable darkness. A lot of this makes sense in light of my recent diagnosis (I'm cycling back and forth between hyper and hypo thyroid function and it is making everything in my brain all wonkers) but knowing why it happens doesn't really make it any easier to live with. And having tasted the days of true happiness, peace, and contentment, it makes the bad days all the worse. I'm so bitter that I can't just shake it off and find normalcy when it happens. I feel like I'm a prisoner to the whims of my hormones and the chemicals in my brain who are calling the shots. Living with me or even being my friend these days has got to be hell. You never know who you are gonna get from me......

more ramblings, stuff just keeps pouring out of my head..... WARNING: long and crazy.................

More thinking out loud. The good days I've had have allowed me to tap into the real me. I haven't felt the real me in a long long long time (if ever at all) and actually hadn't realized I was even missing, until I touched that happiness, that calm, that inner light of myself.

I had a psychology teacher way back that said, always look to biology first when trying to understand behavior. Always rule out biology first before looking to psychology to describe behavior. Thinking back on that it makes me wonder how much of me is really me and how much is just my damn wonker brain not being able to process and deal with things properly because of some deficiency or imbalance of hormones/chemicals due to this crazy autoimmunity. Having those good days and feeling the emotions of my true self were so amazing. I'm really not a withdrawn crabby impatient person. I've touched that inner light and I now know my reactions to things when I'm really me. When I'm really alive. It makes me crave to always be me and not to surrender to the wonker forces.

I discovered quite by surprise that the real me is actually outgoing and sociable even to strangers, the real me is patient and understanding with her children, the real me gets horny and has the energy to do something about it, the real me can handle stresses and spontenaity (even if I can't spell it), the real me can be happy, content, and not depressed. The few times that I've experienced the real me, life has felt so different. Like I truly was a different person! I didn't get stressed trying to turn left in busy traffic worrying about what the cars where thinking behind me, I just concentrated and drove. I didn't get all outraged and impatient when the kids are crabby or fighting, I just calmly handled it. It is so hard to describe! I didn't consciously try and react differently, just something was different inside me. I just felt different about everything. The things going on around me were the same old stuff, but somehow the way I felt when I was reacting was just different. Its like I had some inner pool of resources that were never there before. And when those inner resources leave, I fall back into the tired crabby avoidant old me.

I think the nutrition and all I have been doing to heal is what brought this out. It is helping to balance all the wonker crap, but it isn't always enough and sometimes the wonker forces win over what the nutrition is trying to build back up. So I'm constantly pulled between normal, hyper, and hypo.

But how to battle the wonker forces and stay me? Tasting it is like a giant tease because I can't have it all the time. The wonker forces win the battle. Maybe hormone treatment will help when I finally get to see my endo. Gods I hope so. This longing for myself is heart breaking...... I finally know what it feels like to be normal and got a taste of who I really am. I want to know her again. I want to meet myself and discover who I am.

hmmm, I really seem to like the word wonker lately......

5/5/06 the journey continues

2008-04-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A Live Journal post where I'm discovering the first clues that this isn't just a thyroid issue, but rather an immune issue, a whole body issue.

May 5, 2006 the journey continues...

Well, I found a great endo in the area, but she is uber popular, so my appt. isn't until July 14th. Arrgghhh. I hope she is worth the wait.

In the meantime I've been doing a lot of reading on this whole autoimmune crap. What a ball of whacky shit it is. Basically treatment for the thyroid issues may or may not help in the long run and I'm at risk for developing all sorts of other autoimmune symptoms and/or diseases. So basically my stupid immune system is hosed and there's a great likelihood that it will wreak havoc on my health and wellness for the rest of my life in varied forms, manifestations, flare-ups, regressions, etc. Fun stuff.

I look down the road and all I can see is my grandmother standing at the end, a wasted shell of a life, my mother is not far behind her, and am I doomed to walk this path as well? My sister as well? What about my children? Have I doomed them too?

This is much more than simply a thyroid problem, this is whole body out of whack. No one knows exactly what triggers it and all anyone can do is attempt to treat the symptoms when the immune system decides to attack something. There is no treatment or cure for autoimmunity itself.

May 2006 photo journal

2008-04-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

May 2006
Weight loss stalled and a few pounds gained
Weight: 180+
Jean size: 16-18.

Schwarzbein for 2 months.
No longer gluten free.

Eating enough carbs for the Schwarzbein diet was getting expensive, so I had abandoned the gluten free test and started using whole wheat bread, often not even sprouted, as a quick and easy carb. This correlated with the onset of some of my worst flare-ups of symptoms, but at the time I didn't make the connection. (One of the breads I was using actually had vital wheat gluten added to it, in addition to the high levels naturally in the whole grains).

Originally posted July 10, 2006

4/24/06 A definite diagnosis: Hashimoto's Thyroiditis!

2008-04-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A Live Journal post that I made after getting my official diagnosis of autoimmune thyroiditis. I felt so defeated. At this point I thought it meant that nutrition couldn't help me all by itself. I thought I was back to facing drugs for life. Well time and more research would prove me wrong on that yet again!

April 24, 2006 A definite diagnosis: Hashimoto's Thyroiditis!

Well, my doctor was happy, that is until the results of my second bloodwork came back. I had asked him to test for antibodies to thyroid just to rule out an autoimmune condition. Well they are sky high. The normal ranges for thyroglobulin antibody is 0-19. Mine was 1,481. The normal range for thyroid peroxidase antibody is 0-35, mine was over 1,000. (scale didn't go high enough for the actual number). So that is it. It is final and definite. I have autoimmune thyroid disease. So does my sister, my mom, my grandmother, etc etc. It tends to run in families.

What does this mean? It means that my body (for who knows what reason) thinks my thyroid/hormones are the enemy and is producing beaucoup antibodies to destroy it. I also discovered that my freakishly fast weight gain is particularly indicitive of autoimmune thyroid disease. With this condition, the regular thyroid tests come back normal, the only clue (besides symptoms) is the elevated antibodies. My great wonderful doc doesn't know that much about autoimmune disorders and the thyroid, so he is referring me to an endocrinologist. Looks like I'll be needing hormone drugs after all.

While this is a great confirmation of my initial suspicions, I was totally shocked to hear those numbers come back. It makes it all very real. While my current nutrition and lifestyle work is helping and will continue to help (and is necessary for healing my adrenal glands), it won't be enough to completely heal. I now have to start the arduous process of finding the right combo of drug brand and dosage level. I hate this. I so wanted it to be something I could treat through nutrition. The thought of needing a drug to function normally just pisses me off. Stupid body and stupid genes, LOL. :-)

I am confident and optimistic about the future, but still just kind of in shock that this is all really happening.

Finally I have the answer and the proof.

4/22/06 I'm Happy!

2008-04-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A Live Journal post of mine that shows a glimmer of the health and healing to come.

April 22, 2006 I'm Happy!

The last two days have been amazing. NO fatigue crashes at all and my mood has been unbelievable. I'm happy. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel happy and content. I've been calm and in control with the kids. No irritability, no frustration. I've been patient and nuturing. I've been (gasp!) optimistic! I can't describe how incredible it feels to be happy and calm instead of tense, anxious, tired. I've had energy! I haven't been painfully waiting for it to be tea time to get my next lift. I'm so afraid this won't last and somehow I'll lose it! It feels so good to be a happy person again. :-) I'm trying not to overdo, I know I gotta take it easy for at least a year, but it is hard when I feel this damn good!

4/20/06 update on health

2008-04-09T19:35:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Another Live Journal update on my journey to health.

April 20, 2006 update on health

Well, I went for my second appt the other day and discovered that I've actually lost over 5 lbs so far!!!! That may not be much, but for me I take it as a sign that Schwarzbein is working. I wrote out an account of all the changes that I'm making (following the Schwarzbein plan) for my doc to read and he was very impressed with it. He agreed with everything that I'm doing and was happy with my progress so far. We are doing some additional bloodwork to rule some things out but he thinks I'm on the path to healing. He commented on what a pleasure it was going to be working with such a self-motivated patient. I'm just happy to have found a doc that actually listens (most of the appt. takes place in his office versus an exam room) and he schedules appt times in 30 min, not 15 min, blocks (new patients he even schedules 1 hr blocks for). He isn't perfect (I don't think that exists) but overall we agree on enough things and he is pretty open minded, so I think he'll work out okay.

I think I am on the road to healing, but damn it is hard somedays. Often I get hit with these waves of fatigue (totally different from the overall tiredness and apathy for life that I experienced before). I can feel it coming on and before I know it, I'm crashing hard. Withdrawal is hard, LOL. But still I feel more balanced overall- emotionally and energy wise, I can tell this is working. But Schwarzbein wasn't kidding about experiencing fatigue while you heal, LOL. My body is doing some serious hard work here. I just can't wait for it to be finished.

4/11/06 No Title

2008-04-09T19:31:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A moment of doubt and despair that I posted in my Live Journal not long after starting the Schwarzbein plan.

April 11, 2006 No Title

I feel like I'm losing it again today. Last night was bad and crazy. Today was too. I was just so tired. Then I got energy and cleaned. Then I got crabby and irritable. Will I ever be me again? What if this diet thing isn't going to work? What if nothing can fix me and I'm just going to go downhill like my mom and my grandma?

4/4/06 What is going on in my life

2008-04-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: A Live Journal post that I made after getting the first glimmers that nutrition may play a very large part in my healing. Here I started to really turn the corner and was well on my healing journey.

April 4, 2006 What is going on in my life....

Well, it has been a while since I've posted anything of substance. I've been reading and researching tons on my current health issues and I think I'm finally on a path towards healing. I've discovered several imbalances with my hormones and metabolism. (I'm insulin resistant and my adrenal glands are extremely worn out). It is possible that all my hypothyroid symptoms are caused by these imbalances. My bloodwork appears normal because there isn't anything wrong with my actual thyroid gland or the hormones that it is producing. The problem lies in my body's inability to use and convert this at the cellular level. This results in very real low thyroid symptoms because my cells are not properly getting the thyroid hormone my body is producing. The key here, lies in what is causing those symptoms. If it isn't my thyroid gland causing this, it means that I *may* not need medication for the rest of my life. I just need to work to bring my hormones and my metabolism back into balance. It is going to be a long road back to healing though and will probably take the next year or so....

So my current plan lies with a program detailed by an endocrinologist named Diana Schwarzbein in California who wrote a book called the Schwarzbein Principle. She treats diabetes, thyroid problems, etc etc. If any of my friends out there in LJ land (and I probably mean all of you, since I think the majority of americans have screwed up metabolism/hormones) have any issues with weight, or infertility, or depression, or sugar addiction, or caffeine addiction, or nicotine addiction, or chronic fatigue syndrome, or fibromyalgia, or diabetes, or insulin resistance, or any other metabolism issues: I highly suggest you read her books. This is a smart doc with the education and clinical experience to back up her ideas.

So anyway, here is my plan......
Eating balanced meals (protein, carbs, healthy fats, and non-starchy vegetables) and eating 5 times a day (3 meals and 2 snacks). (my habits here were very bad. I'm a hard core breakfast skipper, a meager lunch eater, and a dinner pig. Although what I was eating was healthy, I wasn't eating enough of the right stuff at all, was under-eating all day, and over-eating at dinner. All things that wreak havoc with metabolism)

Continue to drink some caffeine in the form of green tea or black tea to help ease withdrawal symptoms from my body's bad hormone habits (Schwarzbein calls this self-medicating to get through the healing phase).

I've actually managed to completely quit refined sugars already. I've been tapering off over the past year or so and I just finally quit. The most sugar I have these days is a little honey. I don't even have sugar cravings anymore. It isn't willpower, just total non-interest in sugary stuff. Thom and Tammy had icecream last night and I wasn't even interested. I had one bite out of morbid curiosity and that was enough. Usually I would have pigged out on the stuff after getting one taste, LOL.

Get enough sleep at night. (this one is gonna be hard)

Learn to manage stress better (this too is gonna be very hard)

Start doing yoga and then add in some resistance training like pilates and free weights.

So that is it. That is my plan. The hard part is that during healing, I'm going to feel tired, possibly gain a little more weight, be irritable, maybe depressed, etc etc. This is because my body is addicted to its maladaptive habits and I'll basically go through withdrawal. My body has to heal and it won't happen overnight. But once things balance out, I should feel better than I have in a long damn time and should lose all of my weight and get back down to the real me again. :-)

The next year is going to be hard....but I do feel a little better already. I'm tired but it is a different type of tired. I feel like my body is doing hard work. It is healing. I am able to do things again, like cook meals all day. I have motivation despite the fatigue which is a new thing for me.

April 2006 photo journal

2008-04-09T19:22:00.000-07:00

April 2006
Losing
Weight: around 178.
Jean size: 16-18.

Schwarzbein for 1 month.
Gluten free for about one month.

High and low swings from the Schwarzbein healing process were tough. My body was doing some seriously hard work. Joint pains continued to be somewhat subdued. (At the time of this picture, I had just started eating gluten again and you can see the puffiness returning to my face).

Official diagnosis of Hashimoto's thyroiditis was made after urging my doctor to test me for thyroid antibodies, which came back in the thousands (normal ranges are less than 20-35). No medication was prescribed, but a referral to an endocrinologist was made.

Originally posted July 10, 2006

3/15/06 Health updates

2008-04-09T19:12:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Post from my Live Journal as I tried to make sense of the hypothyroidism discovery and why my numbers initially appeared normal. (This was before my antibodies were tested).

March 15, 2006 Health updates

So I've been reading tons on hypothyroidism. I keep coming across these stories from other women that I could have written myself. The rapid weight gain (50 lbs in about a year), the tiredness, the achy joints, the weak muscles, the depression, etc etc etc. It feels very validating to read these stories, and yet very frustrating as well. I know of many reasons now why my bloodwork might appear "normal" and yet my symptoms are very real. I'm nearing that dead end with my current Dr. about to embark on paying out of pocket for a more open minded, alternative medicine doc. Insurance sucks. The only docs on those lists are the ones that the big pharm companies want.

Right now I'm supposed to come back in 30 days and do more bloodwork just to see if anything comes back different. I am going to push for a few more tests that would rule out or confirm autoimmune thyroiditis. I also learned from my sis that caffeine can mess up test results (it lowers your TSH level which is one thing they look at) so I'm trying to quit caffeine before my next bloodwork.

I have gone from drinking over 200 mg of caffeine (2 cups of coffee) to about 60 mg (2 cups of yerba mate/green tea). I hope to be able to cut out completely but I'm not sure I can do that. I would just sleep all day without something to get me going.

From what I've read, getting treated for my hypo, won't be an easy fix for the weight gain, unfortunately (although it will level the playing field for me). It is going to be a long road back to training my body how to properly store and release fats, handle blood sugar etc etc again. I've got some really good books and am doing the research, but it is going to be some major work. If y'all thought I was a nutrition nazi before, I'm going uber-nutritional now. And (gasp) I might even try a supplement or two...

It is time for health and healing.

Oh and yeah for the coming Spring! Cold weather puts extra strain on the thyroid because the body has to work harder to maintain proper body temp, so with warmer weather my symptoms should ease up a bit because my body can make do with less thyroid hormones.

3/6/06 Saved for posterity

2008-04-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: Some more Live Journal musings on the crazy state of my mental health and the ordeal I had gone through over the past year as my health declined.

March 6, 2006 Saved for posterity.....

I'M CRAZY
I'm dealing with Avoidant Personality Disorder. (I have never been diagnosed and am not on any meds for this, but some of my relatives are similarly afflicted, some to a greater degree than others, and I recognize the symptoms in myself). Most of the time I'm a go- getter, confident, fearless, able to push myself and force myself beyond this. But occasionally I can be taken over by my natural inclinations and I feel reclusive, fearful, and incompetent to the point where I'll avoid making simple phone calls and can't even write a check at the grocery store without feeling flustered and inept. This quote describes me and my plight ,"These individuals are distracted by their own extraordinary sensitivity to subtleties of tone and feeling; they are hyperalert to the meaning of emotive communication. Their thought processes are interfered with by flooding of irrelevant environmental details." Most days overall though, I'm a fairly normal person. I just try to keep this in check when I recognize it happening. Some days it is harder than others. This can at times affect my ability to interact with others, even friends and family. Close personal friendships and intimacy are a constant challenge for me, as my auto-pilot is set for distraction, avoidance, and withdrawal. I continually suppress and ignore these automatic directives and am usually successful at doing so, but occasionally they still manage to manifest themselves before I'm aware. Within the past year, I have come to terms with the full acknowledgement of all these crazy traits in myself, having admitted them outloud to my husband (who of course already knew). I knew for quite some time as well, but never allowed myself to voice the truth or to look at it in the light of day. The past year has been one of self discovery and personal growth.

3/3/06 Hypothyroidism

2008-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: This is a post from my Live Journal when I was discovering that my symptoms were consistent with hypothyroidism and was in the process of getting formally diagnosed. It is interesting how I initially felt that this was something that I couldn't treat with nutrition and that I would be on meds for life. How ironic that in the end my cure was in fact nutrition and I've never taken any meds.

Of course the comments about fighting the status quo and the mainstream are interesting too, LOL. SCD as a treatment for our issues is definitely a fight against conventional medical thought! I didn't know just how big the fight I would sign up for would turn out to be in the end. :-)

March 3, 2006 Hypothyroidism: A post I wrote a week or so ago, but didn't have access to post until now (we have internet connection ago, woohoo!!!)

So I finally have the answer to why I feel so old lately. Why my hair has become so dry and tangly, why my skin is so dry it hurts, why my feet and hands are so cold all of the time, why I’m so damn tired and sluggish and live on coffee, why I gained 50 lbs and went from a cute and curvy size 10 to a floppy and jiggly size 18 in a 10 month period, why my hips and knees ache and burn, why my muscles feel so weak, why my complexion sucks, why I don’t feel hungry until many hours after I wake up, why my temperature is freakishly low, why I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, even why I made so much excess milk when breastfeeding my babies……. It is all my thyroid. I have hypothyroidism. Apparently it runs in my family….mom, grandma and countless others back through the generations.

So now I’m reading everything I can on the subject. This battle isn’t going to be fun. Managing dosage levels is an ever-constant battle, you have to take over for the feedback system that your body would do itself if things were working right, constantly adjusting dosage up and down to optimize relief of symptoms. And it is going to take a doc who is up to date and well experienced in treating hypothyroidism or willing to become so. I’m hoping my current doc works out because I actually like him.

Me, the guru of nutrition, who believed that nutrition could prevent and/or cure almost any ailment, is now going to be on meds for the rest of her life. But at least I will get my life back. At least I know why I feel like an old lady all of a sudden. Turning 30 for me was like suddenly turning 50. I’m hopeful that with proper treatment, I can feel 30 again. But what lies ahead in trying to find the right meds and dosage to make me really feel better? How many docs will I go through? Can we afford what I need to get normal? How long will it take to reach some level of relief?

It is hard not to feel daunted and depressed by all of this. Why does everything I do have to be such a battle? Why can’t I do anything normal? It seems that at every turn of my life I’m finding some forgotten truths about things that the mainstream just ignores or is only beginning to re-embrace. Childbirth, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, co-sleeping, nutrition, the list goes on and on. At every turn I’m encountering some alternative knowledge that makes sense to me and I have to battle and fight to do things my way. This is no different. I can’t sit back and let my hypothyroidism go undiagnosed; I have to find a doc who understands; I have to fight for treatment options and full optimization of my life. Once again I’m fighting a battle, challenging the status quo, fighting the mainstream, only this time I’m so tired and worn out that I fear the fight isn’t in me anymore.

When did I sign up to walk the path of a wisdom keeper anyway?

Update 3/3/06: well, no surprise here, this is going to be even a bigger battle than I originally thought. My TSH is technically within the range of normal for people with healthy thyroids. Only problem is, according to my reading, you can still exhibit hypothyroid symptoms in that normal range. Dr. F did say he might start me on thyroid treatment even if the TSH comes back normal (because my symptoms are so consistent with low thyroid), but I don’t know how far he is willing to go in experimenting with different drugs and dosages, and I know he flat out won’t prescribe me Armour, which many people claim is the one that worked the best for them. (armour isn’t synthetic and comes from pigs and is viewed by most docs, including F, as just a waste product from the slaughterhouses). All, I know is that my symptoms are clearly hypo and I won’t stop searching for someone who believes me and who will experiment with all the treatment options with me. There is a list of doctors that know that TSH doesn’t tell the whole story and believe that Armour can make a difference in some people when other meds have failed, but none of them are on my insurance network. If I hit a dead end with Dr. F, this is going to get costly. Next step will be to see if I can get him to check antibodies for autoimmune thyroiditis.

March 2006 photo journal

2008-04-09T17:10:00.000-07:00

March 2006
Losing
Weight: 182.
Jean size: 18.

My first step towards better health was discovering the Schwarzbein Principle. A plan for healing metabolism written by Dr. Diana Schwarzbein. Basic concept is to help balance the endocrine system through nutrition; you eat healthy, unprocessed, and balanced meals. This helped me to learn exactly what my protein and carb needs were and what a balanced meal was. I started following her advice very strictly towards the end of March and I switched from coffee to no more than two cups of green tea a day. I was already eating whole, unprocessed foods, but balancing fats, carbs, and protein and eating 5-6 times a day was something I was not doing prior to this.

I had no appetite prior to this. I would go half of the day with no desire or energy to make myself food, then I would get so low on energy and suddenly need food, then I would eat a big meal. When I started Schwarzbein's plan, I had to literally force myself to eat breakfast and to snack regularly throughout the day.

Her books also helped me to learn that my adrenal glands were severely burned out from all my sugar, caffeine, etc useage while I tried to cope with the thyroid symptoms. Schwarzbein's balanced nutrition lifestyle made a big difference in my energy levels and mood but I still felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle. Her books luckily also gave me the first glimmer that gluten may be problematic for some people. I began to experiment with removing gluten from the diet to see if I was sensitive to it or not.

Spring was defrosting me from my hibernation. My aches and pains were also returning to a dull ache.

Originally posted July 10, 2006

Feb 2006 photo journal

2008-04-09T17:08:00.001-07:00

February 2006 (no picture, this one is actually from January)
Losing
Weight: 186
Jean size: 18.

First doctor appt. was in February, initial thyroid tests normal.

During this time we had moved away from the store where I usually bought our sprouted grain breads. This unknowingly reduced my consumption of gluten, although I occasionally still bought some from time to time. Also due to finances, we had stopped buying and drinking raw milk.

Originally posted July 10, 2006

Jan 2006 photo journal

2008-04-09T17:03:00.001-07:00

January 2006
Gaining
Weight: over 190.
Jean size 18-20.

Knowing at this point that there was something majorly wrong with my health, I started to read everything I could get my hands on concerning hypothyroidism and I scheduled a doctor's appt. It is interesting that with all my myriad of health complaints, the one that really bothered me the most was the weight gain. I lived with the fatigue, the pains, the depression, the heavy painful periods, etc etc but it was the weight gain that finally convinced me there was something seriously wrong with my health and motivated me to actually do something about it. I guess it was because I could no longer hide (from myself or from others) just how unhealthy I was. It was written all over my face and body at this point.

(That is one of my best friends, Tammy, in the pic with me)

Originally posted July 10, 2006

Dec 2005 photo journal

2008-04-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

December 2005
Gaining
Weight: unknown.
Jean size: 18-20.

Over the winter I basically hibernated. I was so tired, depressed, etc. My energy levels were nonexistent. My muscles just felt so weak. I felt so lazy and apathetic. I was constantly sick and it took me forever to get over each sickness that knocked me down. My friendly nature had mostly disappeared. I was an empty shell. The pain in my joints was so bad after sleeping or sitting, that it was hard to get up and down. Even shifting my weight in the bed caused pain. I didn't move around much because I didn't want the pain. This greatly affected my ability to clean the house, parent my children, love my husband, live my life.... This was a hard hard winter.

(I'm on the left with my son, on the right is my sister, Elizabeth, with her son)

Originally posted July 10, 2006

Nov 2005 photo journal

2008-04-09T16:58:00.000-07:00

November 2005
Gaining
Weight: unknown.
Jean size: 18-20

Found a pic from November that wasn't from larp. This pic really highlights all the weight gain to my face. You can also see my common acne and rosacea.

Originally posted July 10, 2006

10/12/05 I'm still alive

2008-04-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

EDIT as I compile these for the new blog: More LJ ramblings about my weight gain and aches and pains. There weren't many LJ posts for quite a while before and after this because we had a house fire in July 2005 that resulted in us moving into temporary housing with no internet connection and at the same time I was busy taking college courses to finish my degree. Over the winter, after my degree was completed, my health worsened and I became more and more socially withdrawn. I basically stopped posting anything at all for quite some time.

October 12, 2005 I'm still alive

Wow, yes this is actually a post. We still don't have an internet connection so I only get a chance to get online when I'm at school or at someone's house.

House rehab is all done. For sale sign in the yard. Realtor says we missed "summer pricing" by like 2 weeks, so we had to list at $124,900 for "winter pricing." Keeping my fingers crossed that we can sell fast. It is weird to see my pretty house all painted neutral white and empty with a brand new kitchen.

School is going well, but crazy. Too little time between moving, fixing up the house to sell, etc etc. I might actually end up with a "B" in my humanities class (oh horror of horrors! LOL). I'll be graduating in November. Need to get my application and stuff finished for Antioch.

I can't wait until things get back to some kind of normalcy. Need to get going on kindergarten stuff for W. Need to get her into a dance class. Need to get back to cooking the really good meals and not just the okay and fast ones as of late. I'm just itching to spend more time in the kitchen again, I miss it.

Need to get rid of these stupid 30 lbs that have developed. This is crazy. I have never had a problem with gaining weight like this before. I've hovered around same weight for the last 8 years, even after two pregnancies! And then suddenly I just started to gain weight. It was like overnight I just wasn't me anymore. I feel like someone stole my real body. I have all these constant aches and pains. I don't look healthy at all. I just look like a skinny girl that got fat. The fat sticks out in odd ways, it just isn't right. I'm not curvy and cute, I'm bumpy and jiggly. You can tell this isn't a healthy weight for me. Where the hell did I go and what do I do to get me back?